BJ and the Bear: S2 E19 The Girls on the Hollywood High

Originally aired on February 23, 1980
Directed by Bruce Bilson
Teleplay by Glen A. Larson
Story by Glen A. Larson and Ron Friedman

 A little teaser:

Guess who that woman is staring at BJ

Did you know that trucker B.J. McKay has a sister? Did you know her name was Shauna? Did you know she was a film student in Los Angeles? Did you know B.J. and her talk at least twice a week? Did you know she vanished after being last seen with her best friend at an entertainment lawyer's coke party in the Hills?

BJ's sister's best friend

(She's not well)

I didn't. Not until I watched this episode. It sounds like 100% Grade A Bologna to me. But this next statement might be the most surprising. (Well, possibly.)

 Is that BJ's sister?

Oh yes! That's BJ's sister all right

Did you know that this episode is a backdoor pilot featuring the two detectives from The Eyes of Texas? 

But not quite the same two detectives. I'll explain it a moment, although I did mention it briefly in the previous review.

Things don't get less confusing

This episode starts off really shambolically. About five minutes in, I thought "This is going to be a train wreck." Why? Voice-over from  B.J. over the first two scenes. The opening scene is at the Hollywood party where a young woman overdoses and dies while in the presence of a "big Hollywood director." The lawyer who is throwing the party and a goon dispose of the body. But, B.J.'s sister sees what's going on and they kidnap her.

 BJ's kidnapped sister

Kidnapping goon

That's fine and dandy. But, B.J. talks over the first half of it. He tells us what we're seeing rather than allowing us to just see it. So when it cuts from people partying to a gal on the floor dying, it feels like we're watching a recap. And, it feels like we missed a scene introducing the dead woman and her friend who turns out to be B.J.'s sister. The setup is missing, replaced by didactic voice-over, which gets worse.

Lawyers and Goons

A winning combination

The next scene is at the Detective agency where Heather and Carolyn (or Caroline, it's tough to say) work in Texas. Before the women arrive, B.J. is seen talking to Eve Arden and Michael Pataki, who run the place. But, the voice-over continues. It tells us what's happening in the scene, instead of letting the scene happen. (It's like the cop's voice-over in Frozen Scream.) When the women walk in, the voice-over stops and never happens again. However...  when the women walk in, as you can see from the screenshots above, one might become confused.

This was on my copy

I'm not sure what it has to do with BJ's sister

First, however, what the hell's up with that voice-over? It's never happened before, it never happens again. It's very sloppy and bad storytelling. My guess? This episode was originally meant to run longer. It originally began spending some time following two young women in film school. They end up at the party. The events we see occur. Then, the "B.J.'s sister" reveal happens.

Good times at the detective agency

Hey! Arden and Pataki!

Followed by some time spent with B.J. as he tries to get hold of his sister. He can't. So, he goes to hire Heather and Caroline. (I would ask: why? I don't remember them being the most competent detectives. Heather was sassy and headstrong. Caroline was slightly ditsy and played the "I'm hot" card a lot.) That's when we see him at the agency.

Meeting the ladies again

(Or, at least, some ladies)

Maybe it was meant to be in a 90-minute slot. When Larson found out it would be 60, he cut down everything prior to the gals' arrival to the barest minimum? That is a guess. It does explain it pretty well though. I'm hoping he didn't actually write it this way because it is very sloppy.

The last of the problems is with the women themselves. In Eyes, Heather was blonde and a bit of a con artist. She was also presented as being kind of a Plain Jane. Caroline was brunette and attractive. She was the one you had dance in a bathing suit to distract bad guys. When the two women enter the detective agency and B.J. greets them warmly with hugs and kisses, something is askew. There is a brunette and a blonde. But, the blonde is Heather Thomas...  and she's Caroline who was the brunette from the previous episode. And the brunette is the blonde from the previous episode with a dye job. Plus, Caroline's sexuality is never used to their advantage. She's presented as a no-nonsense straightforward gal. (In fact, apart from Pataki's character, the fact that they're women never really comes up.)

We're confused too but we got over it

It's all very confusing and Rebecca Reynolds looks so different that it took me two viewings to connect her to the previous episode. I'm not sure why they did this and it makes a very confusing episode opening even more so.

Take deep breaths and enjoy Pataki's wardrobe

However, once the investigation begins, things get better and better. We already know what the bad guys are up to. (They've got Shauna at a Malibu Beach house. If she doesn't agree to keep her mouth shut, they'll kill her.) So there is no real mystery. Just the investigations from the detectives. They meet up with Stuart Pankin who is shooting some porn. (He's not playing the same character here that he played in Season 1. More confusion.) They run into a cop car twice and eventually recruit his help. In a completely surprising scene, they go the L.A. Coroner's office. Heather watches some "Jane Doe" videos to see if they can find Shauna or her friend. The coroner on the video is Sam from Quincy! What? Quincy and BJ and the Bear take place in the same universe!

Sam!

The contrasting styles of the detectives works nicely to keep the investigation moving. There are two nice twists in the second half that honestly surprised me. As it draws to a close and Shauna's end draws near, things do get tense. I applaud the show for pulling itself out of that morass that it almost got lost in early on. Eve Arden doesn't have much to do. (And, she's always Miss Brooks to me.) Pataki gets a minor subplot that would have certainly been developed if it went to series but here ends up getting in the way a bit. However, at the end, B.J. and his sister (?) are reunited. So that's a good thing.

A little break for

Wacky Fun With That Cop

I hope Heather and Caroline had a lot of fun adventures. I would have watched the show. (Although, why B.J. went to Texas to recruit two detectives to go to Los Angeles, when he could have just hired an LA detective stymies me. But, some days, I get stymied easy. I need some B.J. voice-over to lead me out of this.)

"Dan finished his review and decided it was time to put up the results. But first, he posted a few more screenshots from the end of the episode. Then, he put a caption on them."

Thanks, BJ. Does your sister have a boyfriend?

 Rescuing Shauna

 Shauna in the trunk!

Never have two people been so happy to find a

live body in the trunk of a car

Bye, Ladies.

BJ and the Bear: S2 E18 The Good, The Bad and The Beautiful

Originally aired on February 16, 1980
Directed by Christian I. Nyby II
Written by Robert L. McCullough

B.J. and Bear are delivering a haul to whatever town it is that is under Cain's jurisdiction. (I think it's in Bishop County.) Night has fallen. The streets are deserted. He meets several very scared young women who tell him about this biker gang that's terrorizing the neighborhood. They are then abducted by the gang and B.J. has to drive his rig through a warehouse wall to save them. The gals escape. B.J. has the crap beaten out of him. (One of the bikers is Bubba Smith! But, he's not as hilarious here as he was in the Police Academy films.) B.J. meets up with Cain and some other people. The bikers harass Bear. There's a huge brawl between the bikers and some motocross guys. Then, it ends.

Even B.J. is trying to remember what happens

in this episode

I think most of what I typed there is correct. The problem with this episode is that I cannot remember a damn thing that happens in it apart from some bikers, Cain and... that's about it. Either it is a completely forgettable episode or I'm having some memory issues. Actually, I take back some of what I just wrote. I had utterly forgotten that Cain was in this. I thought, by this point in the season, there were no more reoccurring characters in this season. I was wrong. I would have preferred Janet Julian. (She's still in the credits, though.) There is some nice continuity here (which I'm surprised I remembered).

Do you guys hear goofy music whenever we're onscreen?

Cain and B.J. meet up. B.J. thanks him again for his help during Silent Night, Unholy Night. Cain asks if he'd seen the lady again. "Not since Christmas Eve." Sigh. I always worried that B.J.'s journeys might be aimless ramblings. The addition of Country Comfort brought some stability to him. But, he's not returning there. At least, we don't see him returning there. Now, he, once again, is a guy tooling around the country, loving the ladies and leaving them. For some reason, I was hoping he'd meet up with the ladies more than the one time we see. But then, the gal at Christmas was married to Ted Danson. There's only so much you can do.

I remember this happening.

This stuff...  not so much.

One of the things I do remember about this episode is the strange dichotomy of the early, rather dark, biker scenes with the Cain scenes. B.J. driving down the dark (studio back-lot) streets mixed with the bikers and the frightened people gives an eerie foreboding to those moments. (Did I mention the bikers are also rapists?) Then, we cut to Cain and his frazzled auditor and the wacky music kicks in! All tension is drained and suddenly the show is all comedy, all the time! But, B.J. gets the crap kicked out of him! That shouldn't be treated lightly. I think this show might be losing the thread. After the big mistake of the last episode, this lapse in judgment regarding the appropriate tone for this one is worrisome.

Wait! Huey Lewis wasn't in this episode.

Was he?

Actually it would be worrisome if I could remember more of the episode than that. To be honest, I just flipped through the episode and when I saw the final fight between all those guys on bikes I thought "That's how this episode ends? Why don't I remember that at all?" Oh well. They can't all stay in the memory. Maybe my mind is full? We'll see how the rest of the season goes. 3 episodes left!

Hey! That's not even from this episode.

Or is it?

Oh, I'm sure the title makes sense in the context of the episode. I have no idea what it has to do with anything, though.

Bye bye, people that I don't remember at all!

BJ and the Bear: S2 E17 BJ and the Witch

Originally aired on February 9, 1980
Directed by Charles Rondeau
Written by Sidney Ellis

Welcome to the one episode of B.J. and the Bear that I actively hate. Not because it's boring. Not because it's stupid. Not because it's lazy or repetitive. But, because it's wrong. I'm not going to dwell on this one for too long because I don't really have anything good to say. I'm going to give you the breakdown. Tell you what I think they're doing. And then tell you why it's wrong. Simple, easy. Here we go:

 Doesn't this opening look lovely?

B.J. is passing through a small town. He meets a young woman (Eddie Benton/ Anne-Marie Martin, the only good thing about this episode) and they begin a friendship. It turns out that she's a White Witch. She sells herbs, potions, salves  and poultices to the locals. There is a self-righteous, God-fearing gentleman (I will call him The Jerk) who wants her out of town. But, she's done nothing illegal. The Jerk's daughter buys a love potion from the Witch. She wants to romance the local Big Man On Campus. The Witch makes the daughter four doses and says take one at a time. The daughter decides to take all four at once. She goes into a coma and almost dies. The Jerk forms a mob and goes to the Witch's house. When she won't come out, they set her house and fire and kill her. The End.

No

You read that right. A self-righteous mob of fundamentalists burn an innocent woman to death.

Sledge Hammer's coming after you Sidney Ellis

I think I see what they were doing here. This is 1980. The time of the rise of Jerry Fallwell's awful Moral Majority. A group of right-wing Christians who believed that they knew what was best for everyone and were willing to do whatever to get what they wanted. Careers and lives were ruined by these "good" people. It was the 1980s version of the McCarthy hearings. In the end, all these "Moral" people really wanted was power and control over others. As it always goes. I think the BJ and the Bear producers were sending a warning out here. Mob mentality mixed with this Moral Majority mentality can lead to innocent people (or people in general) getting hurt. Be careful, please.

Sigh

This is all well and good. Except this isn't The Defenders. This isn't Lou Grant. This isn't The Sopranos or Better Call Saul. This is Freakin' BJ and the Bear! It's a show about a hunky trucker who drives around the country getting in adventures...  with a chimp...  who wears a hat! It doesn't matter how dark an episode might get (like the last two) because the ending will be happy. Always. The show CANNOT handle the ending that this episode gives it. The kind, sweet woman who is just trying to help CANNOT get burned to death by a mob. Yes, B.J. knocks the Jerk down and strangles him for several seconds. And yes, there is a slight intimation that she might be alive in the end. But, it's not enough. An episode can end bittersweet or slightly melancholy, like Through the Past, Darkly. But, it CANNOT do a tragic ending, no matter how much Greg Evigan emotes. Sorry, guys. You goofed up here.

Nope. Not enough. Doesn't work.

I'm not going to belabor the point. You are forgiven. Don't do it again. The next episode better be a hoot. Good night, and good luck.

BJ and the Bear: S2 E16 Bear Bondage

Originally aired on February 2, 1980
Directed by Bruce Kessler
Teleplay by Frank Lupo & Robert L. McCullough
Story by Richard Lindheim

I know. That title is pretty intriguing. I'm fairly certain if you were to go onto a search engine and type in "Bear Bondage" that a B.J. and the Bear episode would not be the first listing.

Bare What?

This episode has a very important thing happen in it. And one that belies my "we're all out of ideas" comment from the last review. That important thing? Bear dies.*

 Sick Bear

Sad B.J.

Driving through a small town, Bear gets sick. B.J. takes him to the Candon Veterinary Hospital. And, Bear doesn't make it. B.J. is absolutely heartbroken. But, after some very sad moments, we learn that Bear is alive and well. He's simply been kidnapped by the jerks who run the hospital. They specialize in stealing exotic animals and selling them on some sort of black market. They are in fact a bunch of complete douchenozzles. Through assorted happenings, B.J. discovers that Bear is not dead. And, eventually, with the help of a nurse, they bust the illegal ring and the two best friends are reunited.

 Evil

 More Evil

Not Evil

You know, the world B.J. and Bear live in is pretty awful. At one time, it seemed light and fun. But, not anymore. Maybe that's why the ratings were tanking at this point? Think about it. Two episodes ago, mercenaries are hired to take hostages at a beauty pageant rehearsal and strap a bomb to a man's chest. In the last episode, a man who builds dams brutally stabs two people (one his wife) to death to cover up illegal business dealing. And, in this episode, evil vets separate a man from his best friend to sell him off illegally somewhere. Remember when Lobo (post-sex slave dealer Lobo) was on the show? Remember earlier in the season when Perkins was hauling around that Wile E. Coyote stuffed animal? Remember when B.J. was riding motorcycles off of cliffs or people were ripping down jailhouse walls with the rig? What happened to those days?

Antics

Unfortunately, I can assure you, it will get worse.

Bear Bondage is a good episode of the show. It's great to see Bear get a bunch of stuff to do. It feels like it's been a long time since he did more than make the occasional sound or just sit in the background. Greg Evigan pulls off the grief, and then the righteous anger, quite well. My only problem with it is that for a few minutes it does seem like Bear might be dead. And that's not a pleasant feeling. B.J. is completely wrecked and lost. It is a little more sadness and tragedy than a show like this can handle. So it's interesting that they went to this place but they also realize that this ain't right for the show. Almost immediately, we learn that Bear is alive and is raising hell with the people trying to keep him captive. But, B.J. is still busted up. The dichotomy of Sad B.J. alongside Wacky Bear antics is one that doesn't fully work. However, we do know that they will be reunited eventually. We just have to hold on.

Keeping it subtle

I do like the way B.J. finds out that Bear is still alive. A little girl takes her dog in to the hospital and gets the same treatment. Both her and B.J. are distraught. However, some of Bear's antics free the little dog and he runs home. B.J. sees this and realizes that something is up. Nicely done.

The little girl and her dog

The show has definitely lifted itself out of its rut with this episode and the previous one. And, although I don't fully endorse how it does it, I'm glad it tried. Plus, seeing how happy the guys are when they get reunited in the end is lovely. It almost makes me forget about the wrongheaded travesty that is the next episode...

Reunited!

*Not really.