Lucan is here.

Welcome to 2023!

The first episode of Eventually Supertrain this year welcomes a brand-new old show into the fold: LUCAN! A boy raised by wolves goes on adventures! But not with wolves! (Unless you count Ned Beatty.) In this episode, Dan and his very special co-host discuss the 1977 TVM (titled LUCAN: THE WOLF BOY AND HIS AMAZING PSYCHEDELIC JOURNEYS*) that introduced us to this young man and his inspiring journey where he meets Ned Beatty.

Please, listen and enjoy.

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*That's a lie. It's really just LUCAN.

HEY, THERES NAKED BODIES ON MY TV!

Directed by Mack Campbell
Media Home Entertainment VHS

THE FILM
The title is not referring to us watching it at home but the fact that characters from TV shows we loved are suddenly naked on the big screen, right before our eyes. If this movie had been made in the 60s, the three shows chosen would have been Hazel, The Munsters and Bonanza and it would have been a very “interesting” movie. Mainly for pervs. But, in the 70s, things are just perfect. The movie consists of three segments parodying Happy Days, Welcome Back Kotter and Barney Miller. And, the parodies are filled with naked people. Most of these naked people are having an awesome time, probably due to their nudity.

In its own special way, this movie is superb. Setting aside the nudity, we have…A strange linking device in a TV studio with a janitor and a naughty clown. There are very odd pornographic cartoons that keep cropping up. There’s a “Very Special” montage at the end. And, there are the parodies themselves. Having been a fan of Happy Days and been familiar with the other shows, they feel pretty right to me. Kotter is set in the classroom. Barney Miller is set in the police station. Happy Days is set in The Fonz’s (The Bonz!) apartment. Each bit goes on a little too long. Nude people dancing around and groping one another (although the guys don’t always get that nude) can only sustain one for so long. The Happy Days segment is more of a series of naughty couples coupling. The other two are just piles of nudity….and all of it is covered with…a laugh track!

That’s the super-special touch. The very first time the laugh track goes off…the movie enters another realm. It’s so simple and yet so perfect. The actors are different, yes. But, a lot of the jokes were no worse or better than the actual jokes in the shows themselves and the characters are the same. The laugh track nudges every parody that much closer to being exactly like the original show and, by extension, making everything that much naughtier.

What a strange adventure this film is…I’ve had this tape for years but never thought to review it until right now…The film is so obscure and so strange. Where’d it come from? I don’t have to ask why it was made. I can guess that. Was there another version with raunchier stuff in it? Did the casts of the actual TV shows ever see this? So many questions…

I will admit to some boredom while watching, though. Each segment has its set-up and then the nudity begins and it kind of goes on a few minutes past the point when good structural taste would say “Give it a rest.” But, aren’t most of these films like this? I don’t know. I actually haven’t seen a lot of them. I find it can be hard to watch them.

Hmmm….In the end, I’m not sure these softcore extravaganzas are for me. What can you say about them? Luckily, this one is goofy and strange and it runs a proud and erect rampage over a nostalgic part of my mind, which I appreciate. I really think they should have chosen a fourth show. Laverne & Shirley? Think of the possibilities. The filmmaker struggles to get the film up to a certain running time are amusing but not always thrilling. Lenny and Squiggy and Mrs. DeFazio…Let your mind wander. What exactly is a Squiggy?

AUDIO AND VIDEO
Look at that cover! This VHS tape is a brick. I could slap someone with it and knock them loopy. It looks and sounds as good as the day it rolled off the assembly line. (Hundreds of copies!) And, of course, constant comedic arousal is stimulated by the off-kilter sounds of the laugh track.

EXTRAS
Nothing. But, the video box is one big ad for “The World of VHS”! So, that’s pretty salty.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Once a year, I watch this movie and have a good time. It is a Classic 70s softcore film, in its own way. The odd layout of the film mixed with the strange set-up combined with some lovely nudity make me say “I saw naked bodies on my TV. Hey…”

And then, a crowd of people I can’t see laugh uproariously. We sank back in our chairs exhausted.

07/08/10

BJ and the Bear Season 3 Recap

Most of what I have to say about the episodes is, obviously, in the reviews. I just wanted to make a quick pass over the whole season before we wrap up the show in full.

Returning for its third season to falling ratings, the show gave itself (or was told to from on high) a "soft reboot." No more was this going to be Route 66 with a guy, a chimp and a truck. This was going to be like most shows. It would have a static main setting and then branch out from there. The added addition here was the 9 (!) new supporting cast members with 8 (!) of them featured in the opening credits. Seven lady truckers who are working with B.J. Plus, Grant and Stieger, the final batch of crooked cops that B.J. would come up against. The opening credits that now cram in all these characters is initially jarring. Who the heck are all these people? We had all the Country Comfort gang in the previous season but none of them were in the opening credits. That must mean that this new gang is going to be important. Let's see how they handle all of these people and the new set-up.

Unfortunately, the answer to how they handle it is: They have no idea. The initial 2 hour episode, which should set this new world up nicely, is structured awkwardly. I described it in-depth in the review but I'll mention it again here. The episode begins with BJ working for these seven women at a carnival. Someone steals B.J.'s rig. All their equipment is stolen. The group breaks up. That's the first, I forget, 20 minutes or so. Then, B.J.'s friend, who runs a trucking company, is incapacitated by the same guy who stole BJ's rig. So, BJ takes over the company and has to hire the seven gals to help him with a big haul. So, we initially meet the gals. They separate. Then, BJ has to bring them all back together again. It's very cumbersome and doesn't actually help us differentiate the gals all that much. In fact, it makes for a pretty monotonous episode, sadly.

The rest of the season is pretty hit and miss. The writers seem to have no idea how to use all of the new characters at once. The few times they try, like in Seven Lady Captives, ends up with them becoming sort of a faceless mass of people in distress. It works better when 2 or 3 of them are focused on, along with BJ. The twins seem like they may be a main focus but they fade as the season goes along. It's really Callie and Stacks who get the bulk of the stuff to do. Stacks is charming. Callie, apart from a few moments, is annoying. Not who I would have chosen. The other three gals really don't register much. Grant's daughter comes into play in relation to Grant. (And the few episodes without Grant are kind of a relief.) One of the gals was a DJ and the other rode a motorcycle. I've even forgotten their names now. (They're in the reviews, generally.) It just feels as if the idea to change the format was made and no one really liked it or knew what to do with it. Or maybe they just knew the show was going out so they didn't try. Apart from a few episodes (like Blond In A Gilded Cell, Who is BJ?, S.T.U.N.T. and Detective Finger, I Presume?), it sadly doesn't work.

The other big "Oops!" in the new set-up is the producers forgetting that one of the standard draws of each episode was the romance that BJ would have with a lady he met along the way. Luckily, there are seven new female supporting leads. But, it becomes clear in the second episode that they're not going to have BJ fool around with his employees. So, in order to satisfy the "BJ and a lady" thing, they'll have to bring in ANOTHER lady for those episodes. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's too much in a season that already has too much in it.

The season does get better as it goes. And, Grant getting arrested at the end of the series promises that maybe things might be different if it had come back for more. But then, I have to ask myself: If they are getting this format down and they did come back, is it one that I wanted to keep watching? I like to think they'd get it right after a time and my answer would be "Yes." But, I love the first season too much. And I think the second season has so much great stuff in it. Having BJ settle down is a mistake. Maybe the fourth season would have seen him hit the road again. I don't know. The frustrating thing is simply this: why change the format if no one seems to know or care how to make it work? The strikes in the summer of 1980 gave them extra time to work out something great. This isn't, say, Galactica 1980 bad by any stretch. At least three or four of these episodes rank near the best of BJ and the Bear. Unfortunately, some of the others are on the bottom.

I'm running myself in circles here. They tried something. It got cancelled before we saw if it really worked. Personally, even if it did, it wasn't a format I was enamored with. (And, hey, where did B.J.'s friend go? I thought BJ was just taking over temporarily.) I'd like to say I'd have stuck around because I like BJ, Bear and Stacks. And the general format change itself isn't really that different. There's still beautiful ladies, car chases, action, "comedy," and all the BJ and the Bear stuff that I love. It's kind of shackled now by this format. I would have loved the show to go on for ten more years. But, it ends here. The least of the seasons but not without some charms. Not enough Bear, though.

BJ AND THE BEAR S3 E13: Detective Finger, I Presume?

Originally aired on May 2, 1981
Directed by Gil Bettman
Written by Robert L. McCullough

Two people break into BJ's office and steal a painting valued at $400,000. (BJ was delivering it to a SF museum the next day.) There have been a series of burglaries in the area and they seem to tie-in to an all women's gym called The Globe Gym. Cindy and Stacks go undercover at the gym. They learn that the owner, Stella Lemke, with the help of a Capt. Dryer, frame the women and make them commit burglaries. But, don't worry Detective Finger is on the case!

 I haven't been the same since Mary left me

Det. Lt. Finger, The Last of the American Hoboes?

Finally, a cop who isn't crooked! Well, technically, Cain wasn't crooked but he sure wasn't a good time. Detective Finger initially appears to be the same as every other cop on the show. He doesn't believe BJ. He thinks the painting (if it even exists) and BJ are involved in some sort of insurance fraud. He's a douchenozzle. But, as the episode goes on, he believes BJ more and more. And, in the end, they're actually friends, which was a surprise but also very nice to see. As the series draws to a close, I like the thought that they've brought in a cop who can be BJ and the Gals ally, if need be.

That extra is having the best time ever

Speaking of cops, I think I see Officer Norberg undercover at The Globe Gym. It's Peter Lupus, everyone! He gets to be big and menacing. He has a pretty good fight with BJ that starts with him throwing a dumbbell at him. (No, I don't mean Officer Perkins.) I always like seeing him and I always forget he was in Muscle Beach Party.

There's a joke about "going undercover" here

Frankly, it's eluding me & I'm OK with that

This is the episode where it is officially stated that Grant is "the top cop in the state." I don't know what that says about California law enforcement but that doesn't sound good for anyone. How on Earth does he get that high up? He's not like Lobo who does crooked stuff in a small town. He's the "top cop" in one of the most populated and largest states in the US. Holy Moley! SCAT is a lot bigger than I thought.

SCAT Officer McKay!

Cindy and Stacks going undercover is a nice thread. Stacks is constantly worried. Cindy is a tough gal. I missed her. Let me say it again: They really haven't figured out what the heck they're doing with all these gals. The twins are here but do nothing but look great in short shorts. Angie and Samantha are nowhere in sight. (I think. I don't remember them being here.) Callie is here, as always. But this episode is an odd one for her. BJ spends most of his time kind of flirting with her and wanting to dance with her and...  Normally, she annoys him. What happened? My guess is that Linda McCullough, who plays Callie, is related to the person who wrote this episode. And the writer has very strong thoughts about his relative getting the best attention from the star of the show. I could be all wrong though.

BJ NEEDS to dance with Callie!

The episode isn't as good as the previous two. It lacks the excitement of S.T.U.N.T. It lacks the crazy, propulsive oddness of Who is BJ? It's pretty much what I imagine would be a standard episode of the show if it had kept going with this format. BJ comes up against the cops. A few of the gals participate. BJ does better detective work than the police. Grant gets involved somehow. In the end, everything is OK if not better than before. One interesting thing: I couldn't really see this episode working as a 1st or 2nd season show. There's too much involvement from the gals for that. Hope looms.

Look. The director lingered on this shot

I'm just a writer looking for good screenshots.

Talk to Gil!

Where the episode wins is in the undercover stuff and Detective Finger. Cindy and Stacks do some gymnastics, which is cool. Detective Finger goes undercover as a hobo at one point, which wins all the awards for awesome in my book. Plus, again, he actually listens to BJ in the end. Thank God! I'm not 100% sure why they make him and his partner Sgt. Williams so incompetent when they're trying to foil a liquor store robbery but hey this is "action comedy BJ and the Bear." There's your action and there's your comedy.

Grant Meets Finger!

It's not a great episode. But, if this is where the show was moving towards, it's not a bad one. They still haven't cracked the format they created for the show. But, it feels like they might be getting near it. Unfortunately, the next episode is the last one. I know. It makes me sad too. It's been a long journey. I'll see you there.

 I liked this ending

And I loved this ending

BJ AND THE BEAR S3 E11: S.T.U.N.T.

Originally aired on March 31, 1981
Directed by Daniel Haller
Teleplay by Michael Sloane
Story by Michael Sloane and Richard Lindheim

BJ, Stacks, Callie and Bear are hauling a bunch of equipment to a movie studio. The studio is shooting something called "Nightmare," which is a horror thing with lots of stunts. While there, BJ meets up with Steven Thomas Ulysses Nathaniel Travis, AKA STUNT. His team of stuntmen are doing all the gags for this show. One of the stuntmen is Jake O'Brien (Buster Crabbe), an old time stunt guy who seems to be taking one too many risks. His daughter, Tess, is the star of the show. But, someone seems to be sabotaging the production. And there seem to be some mob guys there. And there's a huge stunt that BJ may end up doing instead of Jake. And, well, lots of things.

 Best stunt in the episode

Oddly enough, they never ask BJ to do anymore.

(Although, he does. But, that's BJ for ya.)

Let's get the not-so-great stuff out of the way. The episode opens with the gang on the way to the studio. They see an out of control car with a woman screaming for help. BJ leaps from the rig into the convertible and saves the day. But, there's a helicopter overhead with a camera and a cameraman in the car! BJ, what have you done? Now we've seen this sort of stuff before. The hero wandering onto a film/ TV set not realizing what's going on. But this one is really dumb.

 Tip to filmmakers: Block off the flippin' road, you ding dongs.

There's that helicopter above their heads for one. There's the fact that the cameras aren't really well hidden. Plus, why isn't the road closed off? If it is, how did BJ get on it? If it's not closed off, then maybe they shouldn't be so angry when a heroic trucker tries to save the day? Maybe the way it was written made more sense. Maybe a roadblock fell over or BJ got lost or something...  But, as it stands, this ends up making everyone look stupid, especially when you see how mad the film people get. This is not how you do stuff like this. Having said that, the rest of this episode is one of the best of this season.

 Bear causes some trouble with the fire and the flame and the Oh Lady!!

It helps by leaving Grant out of it and just featuring two of the gals. Callie is still annoying (and actually doesn't do much). But, Stacks is turning out to be the most interesting new character. Yes, she's a bit dim. But, she's sweet, considerate, very loyal and has a nice streak of curiosity in her makeup. I could watch BJ, Stacks and the Bear for a couple of seasons and always enjoy it.

 There's Stunt and Tess...  and Stacks!

The other element that really helps is that this one feels like a Season One episode. BJ and the gang go somewhere. Make some friends. Get involved in chicanery and save the day. It really hearkens back to the time when the show was going great guns. There should be more episodes like this. Is it Michael Sloane who brings this out in the show? I'm not sure. But this is a more engaging episode than many of the others this season.

March 19, 1981! Where were you?

The plotting itself is good and a bit over-complicated. (In a good way, though.) It seems like a simple "Someone is sabotaging the production" kind of story. There's a lot more going on here, including the O'Brien plot line with some mob-like guys. There's some nice misdirection as to who might be sabotaging the show. And then, just when it seems like things might be slowing down, there's a huge bar-fight that, almost, comes out of nowhere. Hey, in an episode ostensibly about stunt people, why not assemble a ton of them in a bar and have them throw each other around for a while?

 If you're going to fill your bar with stuntmen,

have them fight.

The pace of the episode is nicely done. It sets up the final big stunt early on. First by showing of some fire gags related to it. Then, we see the schematic for it and the actual set-up. Then, BJ and Stunt do the stunt. It's pretty impressive. And it's one of those big story moments where it happens and then, hooray!, everything's all right. It doesn't actually quite wrap up the episode completely but it's exciting enough to bring things to a close.

 There's all kind of stunts going on in here

The character of Tess brings up the continuing problem with the new format of the show. Stacks is constantly flirting with BJ and he's flirting back. But, the producers really don't want him getting involved with his employees so we get Tess. The "Woman BJ falls for and vice versa this week." Back in the day, there was a love 'em and then leave attitude that befit the character's travels and wanderings. But, he's settled now and she lives in Los Angeles where he is. Why can't they see each other more? He's not vanishing halfway across the country. He'll be near her. So what's the problem with the relationship continuing? The two formats clash here and they end up not making much sense alongside one another. As I've mentioned before, it feels like someone didn't think something through.

 Crabbe!

 Burning Crabbe!

This isn't Hooper or Stunt Rock. But, it is a very good episode of the show very late in its run. Although, yes, why they're making something horror-related instead of an action film is slightly confusing. But, it is early 1981, and we are all horror crazy at the time. Anyway, watch this one. You'll be glad you did.

I'd watch the heck out of this show.

(I guess I kind of am.)

BJ and the BEAR S3 E10: Seven Lady Captives

Originally aired on March 24, 1981
Directed by Christian I. Nyby II
Written by Tom Sawyer

In today's episode of lighthearted "comedy" show BJ and the Bear, Captain Grant arranges for the Seven Lady Truckers to be kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel. They will be flown to Mexico where they will harvest some guy's marijuana crop and then they'll be shot and killed. How is BJ and his best friend Bear going to get the ladies out of this? And isn't it time to bring back that old couple, the Tiptons, from a few episodes ago?

 1, 2, 3

 4, 5

 6, 7

And this jackball

My opening statement: Mexican Drug Cartels as entertainment soured with me about halfway through Breaking Bad. If I encounter a Mexican Drug Cartel in a movie or TV episode, I will skip it. They long ago stopped being entertaining or even remotely interesting to me. But, for completion's sake, I watched this episode of BJ and the Bear.

 I'm not good with big hugs



Your van is fabulous



"The impossibility is your specialty, B.J." - Hatsie

This looks familiar

Well, she's not wrong there. But, oh boy! The tone of this episode. It's off from the get go and just gets weirder. The ladies arrive at the airport. They are immediately put on a plane at gunpoint. They go to Mexico and are suddenly on this compound-like ranch to harvest weed. That's terrifying! Seven attractive women are kidnapped and taken to the middle of nowhere in a foreign country...  with drug runners! And, the fact that Grant arranged it is extra gross and sleazy. Oh, did I mention one of the guys (they're almost all white) at the ranch is pretty rapey? This is dark stuff.

 Joe

 Sleaze

Stacks

And yet, BJ is having one hell of a good time. Once he arrives in Mexico, he seems giddy or something. He laughs a lot at things. He's having a kickass vacation! He gets to plan a siege on a ranch! It's fun. It's what he does. He meets a priest who helps him out. (The village where the ranch is located is deserted, thanks to the cartel.) He also meets the priest's niece Dolores and they enjoy one another's company. (Wink wink.) When BJ and her are scoping out the compound, they laugh and smile a lot. All the while the ladies are being forced to harvest a crop of pot under threat of death from any number of assault rifles.

A priest, a trucker and a chimp walk into a church...

There have been screwball tone issues in this show but this is a tough one to reconcile. Way back in "The Murphy Contingent" BJ and pals had to storm a gangster's home. But, this feels very different. In "Murphy," they were after something or other in the home. Here it's trying to free BJ's seven lady friends/ employees before they get brutally murdered (and who knows what else) by drug cartel guys. Huh? This episode kept me uneasy throughout. But, not uneasy in a good way that I enjoyed. More like anxious uneasy. Something I'd need to take a pill for to calm me down. And I didn't enjoy that. I am glad that BJ and friends win in the end. I'm glad he got to kiss Dolores a lot. Grant gets off far too easy though. He's completely ineffectual against the bad guys. But, somehow he winds up getting a medal for bringing in this cartel. Again, Huh?

Tiptons are in the house

BJ calls Grant out on this one. He calls Grant a sleaze. BJ is not wrong. In exchange for a bunch of money, he sells our main ladies into, more or less, slavery with death as the outcome. He says 1) that his daughter wasn't supposed to be involved and that was a mistake and 2) he didn't know the gals would get killed. Grant, you're a real douche sometimes. I'll leave it there.

 

Chaos of all kinds, including Chimp-related

OK. So, once the schizophrenic tone is dealt with the question hangs there: Is this a good episode of BJ and the Bear? Um, I guess so.  It does what an episode of the show is supposed to do at this point. It doesn't particularly treat the ladies well or give them a heck of a lot to do. Samantha does a card trick. Callie whines and complains. (And gets slapped by that rapey jackass.) Stacks is flirty and ditzy. But, there's no further character development for anyone. Having the seven of them together doesn't do much but take up lots of space. I guess it's OK to have Hatsie and Fred back. But, after two episodes, their character potential seems tapped. BJ does pull of a crazy coup in the compound and it all ends with a Bear-related joke. So, yes. This is a good episode of the show. Is it one I highly recommend? Not really.

 Dance with me, fools!



Can't stop the bump



(That air looks a little suspect)*

The director is trying his best. There are lots of great tracking shots and several cool angels. For example, the fight BJ has with the guy at the airport has a great opening shot. And, for another example, watch the long take of Dolores and BJ moving down a hill toward the compound. People are trying. It just feels wonky. One more odd thing: Does it feel like it takes forever for the rescue operation to actually happen? I know it's the climax but portions of the episode feel like "OK, let's slow this down. We've got time to fill here." That could be just me. I wanted the gals out of there. Stat! That weighed on me throughout. Oh, and the rapey guy doesn't get beat up nearly enough. 



You knew it would end like this, didn't you?

 

*I guess using the work "looks" in the context of describing air already means there's a problem.

 

I just love life!